The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
