Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
