You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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