i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
