your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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