yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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