exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
