dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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