He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
