A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
