I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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