just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
