i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
