Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
