im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize