where am i from again
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
