I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
