FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
