He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize