dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
