he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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