were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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