No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You need Xanax blowdarts
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize