shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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