did you get engaged???
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
