Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you had me at cake vodka
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
