I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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