I want to have your abortion
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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