Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize