just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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