Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She bit a glass in half.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
