Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
