it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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