I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
