So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Randomize
