I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
