the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
