why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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