Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
