If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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