She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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