Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
