sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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