Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
