thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
