so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
