That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
