This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
