My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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