definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
