i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
