i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
