so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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