So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize