just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
