we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
