No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
