I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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