last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
