from now on my penis is your penis
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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