dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
