Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
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