You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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