You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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