: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
