I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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