i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize