my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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