What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
