i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
