he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
