thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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