I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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