Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
