god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
