Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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