it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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