Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We are all done wearing pants today
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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