you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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