U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize