It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
