Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
