Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize