I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
