I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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