Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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