They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
