I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
