The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
