someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You did what with his pubic hair?
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