don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
