forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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