If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
