His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
