Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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