if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
