Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize