I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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