I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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