Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Oh god it's open bar.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize